My punctuation is dismal and my spelling and grammar also leave a lot to be desired. There are errors in my writings, a great many. Errors through lack of education, or should I say my refusal to embrace the education my parents so enthusiastically tried to persuade me to flourish and prosper in.
I am a proud Yorkshire woman, I am proud of my heritage. I get excited at the prospect of Whippets and bread "wi nowt taken out". Someobody once dared to question the ancestry of the Yorkshire pud, hell had no fury like the wrath I inflicted on any poor sould who dared to come within throwing distance of me that day.
Being from Yorkshire and all the pleasures that stems from it means being an English Citizen, residing in yup, England. A small Island with a remarkable history, an island which at one point owned half the world. Our language is the second most spoken language in the whole world today (only out done by Mandarin, if my research has served me correctly). Does it not make you proud being an English man?
Well actually times have changed. English is no longer the second most widely spoken language in the world. Oh no no it has been overtaken by: "Americanish" and The Bard really is tossing and turning in his resting place.
Please understand I have no qualms about our friends stateside, indeed they have done very well for themselves and become the most powerful nation in the world. Thay are actually entitled to their own interpretation of the language they embraced as their own. The embraced language of course as we all know was "English".
It is good that they have managed to have their own representation of our native tongue. Loving the way those guys have misplaced the odd letter "U" and replaced a few "S"s with a "Z"s, stroke of genius. It can not be argued in the spoken word those S' certainly are pronounced as Z's, unless your American where the last letter in the alphabet is pronounced Zeeeeeeeee.
We have a lot to thank America for: McDonalds, blaming and claiming, pointless and ridiculous health and safety warnings, The Simpsons and the traditional and much loved "school disco" becoming obsolete and replaced by a "prom". All the aforementioned things could be forgiven for finding their way over the Atlantic, if only our English had have remained just that: ENGLISH.
I have lost count of the number of official documents and contracts (that ultimately if ever disputed would be dealt with in the English Courts of law) which have been given to me, where the organisation "recogniZes" something.
The problem as I see it is since the invasion of computers in our lives. I blame MicroZoft. If we are not researching on the net, we are typing on a word processor, computers are everywhere and everything associated with them is yup.. you got it.. American. Yes my spell check is automatically defaulted to "Americanish". I get the little red line of terror under my words if I use too many letters in the word "colour". It is has now become acceptable in England for the native language to take on its American format.
One day I would like to visit the US of A. Please do not think my rantings are aimed at America, not at all. My rant is aimed at the fact that as a Nation we seem to have lost all interest in our culture, our history and what defines being English/ British.
So next time another British organisation forces another boring and pointless document, full of jargon and Americanish I am going to repsond by signing and dating it in Mandarin, followed by a little note: 您能否讲英语？
A terrible translation from Babel fish, My mandarin is as good as their English!
So please guys, one favoUr:
No Zs please we are British!
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