Buggar, Damn and Blast!

My inflated foot has prevented me from attending my OU tutorial, my head start is now a distant memory as I try and keep on track between gallons of tea and Co-Codamols.

Always a glutton for punishment and my own worst enemy I have enrolled for yet another course starting in February 2010 which will overlap my current one.

As for the news there has not been anything that is suitable for me to piss and whinge about, I could have had a blast at the unscrupulous MPs again and their floating duck houses but I have been there and need some new fodder to get my teeth stuck into.

I think it is going to be the Broadband tax but I must not digress I have work to catch up on! Nothing finer that Program Controlled input and Output on a Saturday morning! How I long for a big wad of Purple and a trip to Murderhell (and a new foot)

Keep ya pecker up people!

M150 Assignment Result In!

Who needs the Xfactor for finger biting stuff??

I have been waiting with great anticipation for my M150 first assignment result and check it out... 97%!!

Now that is worth a glass of the bubbly stuff! So cracked open the Jacobs Crack Sparkilng Rose (no Krug this week!) Gulp, Gulp.. but what is this?? OH NO, these meds I am taking from having my foot hacked at meant the bubbly did not have the desired effect.

It is not very often I actually have a worthwhile reason to get wasted and the one time I did it was an Epic Fail!!!

Oh well tonight I will just have to try again, using the excuse it is a Monday and I am not at work now until Jan 4th 2010!!

Bonfire Night is Gonefire Night, someone tell the Local Numpties!

Sunday November the 8th, The day we all lower our heads in respect for those brave souls who made the ultimate sacrifice so we can have the right to sit square eyed at our screens and so I can have my opinionated ramblings posted for the world to see from the comfort of my own home. The right to freedom, that is unless you enjoy puffing away on the evil weed (the legal variety I might add) in which case you are less deserving of rights than a machete holding psycho maniac... but I digress.

Rewind back to the 5th November, Gun Powder, Treason and Plot. Sat in my office trying to make the final amendments to my Open University Assignment I find my self in what sounds like an Afghanistan war Zone. Bangs, squeals, crackles and even bigger bangs. The atmosphere all hazy with the airborn particulates emitted from the cremating of stolen crates and numerous old Ikea flat packs. It was of course Bonfire night. A highly pointless symbol of Britishness, unless you have not yet reached puberty.

Old Guy Fawkes has a lot to answer for. I do not know what is worse, the fact his plan to bomb the International Hub of Expenses fraud was foiled or the fact that some 400 years later the Great British Public are still trying to reinact it in their back gardens. I certainly hope all those revlling in the festivities not once criticised those creepy, thieving buggars that supposedly look out for the tax payer.

Fast forward again to November 8th. I am still sat here square eyed and I am now being subjected to all the cheapscapes that have made the most of the local firework dealers that spring up in the last quarter of the year to make a quick quid, trying to be rid of stock so they can move on and set up some other seasonal, temporary enterprise.

In a world that has gone absolutely crackers with laughable health and safety laws (you can not have barbed wires around your house, as you have a duty of care to potential burglars) where persons are now exempt from applying common sense, I find it more than alarming that any Tom, Dick or Harry can buy a shed load of GunPowder and explosives and be given free reign to ignite it where ever they see fit.

Three days later they are continuing with this childish noise pollution. Grown men eyes wide open, heads tilted and mouths catching flies. Grown men mesmorised by the pretty colours and loud noises, without any consideration for those around them.

Please hurry up and banish these things from Suburbia, confine them to once a year, put them in the hands of trained Pyrotechnics. Right now there is one place I would love to stick The Numpty at No.22's Roman Candle.. and it is right up his f****ing arse!

Phillip Laing, Tie a knot in it, if it is big enough!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1220579/Carnage-Shame-drunken-student-caught-urinating-war-memorial-mass-pub-crawl.html#ixzz0U2DaPTU7

This young man has decided he wants to do a sports degree in the city of Sheffield. Good for him it is nice to see young people wanting to do well in life and study towards something they have interest in. I wish I had done it when I was younger. I would have loved University, the nights out, the new independence, new friends. The opening of a new chapter and an opportunity to succeed and be respected for those achievements.

You see I love a drink, sometimes I will drink until my body can not keep itself upright, at which point I quietly get myself to bed and wake up with the mother of all hangovers. I never act in an orderly manner, never am involved in violence and mainly keep my drinking to the confines of my own home. All my health conscious and sporty friends seize the opportunity to scorn me for my recklessnes and punish my throbbing head with statements straight from a text book about the damage my overindulgence is causing on my body.

Obviously Mr "Im doing a SPORTS degree"Laing is not quite as sporty and health conscious as my friends allowing himself to get into such a state.

The lad only apologised through his university, because they made him, not because he had any remorse but he did it for his own advantage. He was scared his antics would get him thrown out of university. He should be and thrown out of Yorkshire to, for good. We have enough of our own, we do not need externals coming in and disturbing the peace.

Maybe I will go to his families gravestones and piss on them? Afterall I will not eat after lunch, go out and get totally smashed and bang I have an excuse to do what the hell I want!

Mr Laing your lack of respect for a city that has offered to educate you and for the very poor souls that lost their lives so you could have that opportunity disgusts me. Your shenanigans are only further highlighted by your appauling taste in smalls, Cerise pink undercrackers??? Delightful. Just one more suggestion, maybe whilst you were in the Frog and Parrot you should have held back on a couple of pints. Not just to save you pissing on the war memorial but so you could afford to get a hair cut.

Go back to were you came from and take your little girls pants with you!

What is Going Wrong with this World

HmmmmmmmmmmmmmmWould someone care to enlighten me as to why anyone actually cares about who an ageing "glamour" (oh the irony of it) model is being staisfied by this week? Why do people care about her divorce? Why do the people that profess to hate her spend absolutely hours trying to defend their stance to those who idolise her?

It is time to move on, stop making this woman money for littering the papers with rubbish.

Of course all those who idolise her will just accuse me of being jealous. Jealous of the money maybe but not jealous of the way it was and is being made. Now Zaha Hadid I am jealous of she a wealthy, respected and intelligent architect. a lady that has gained her respect from her intelligence and her works of art and creativity, a true role model for modern young girls.

Come on girls this is 2009, surely as strong minded women, we aspire to more than public humiliation and media whoring?

so keep your knickers on and your respect in tact.

A Fifth of my wage on Gardening and Cleaning and you Object?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/8305327.stm

I quote "Following a meeting of Labour MPs in the Commons, ministers said they expected many MPs to write to Sir Thomas and object to his decision to apply new limits - of £1,000 a year for gardening and £2,000 a year for cleaning."

Would they care to comment to this blog and just clarify they will be objecting as the think such luxuries and ridiculous handouts should be banished totally?

A word from the maungy old mare:

If you can not handle you garden might I suggest you buy a house with a smaller garden or even no garden at all? there will not be a requirement for a gardener then. If you can not manage to clean your own house, might I suggest you buy a smaller one? Or even better live in a tent and then you can take your home with you instead of having a second one! I can assure you they do not take much cleaning either. If a humble call centre like myself can manage to keep an orderly residence, people on your wage have NO excuse.

Is it actually possible for you suited men and women to actually do anything for yourselves? maybe if you spent less time blasting the opposition and spouting rubbish, you would have more time to tend to your garden and dusting and not expect every hard working tax payer in Britain to pay for it.

Object indeed, it is about time the public objected to freeloading, hypocrites like yourselves.

Tell Mummy and Daddy to leave all their coin to Mickey Mouse, you can at least have fun contesting it!

Wills and probate. Preparing for your hard earned wealth to be distributed to loved ones when the time comes for you to slip through those pearly gates.

A legal document that you need to know will stand, as this is one contract you will not be able to fight out in the courts. The one legal document that you have to know will be respected and left as it is.

But oh no, not in Blightey! In the good old UK, if you are disgruntled you are not in a will, kick up a fuss, go on a few morning TV programmes, get some good old media whoring on the go. Play the hard done by relative, insist that no matter what your parents wishes were, your needs are greater and that your father was domineering and forced your mother to sign the will under duress (even though she had 6 years after the fathers death to amend the will). If indeed your father was such a horrific person, who forced your mother into doing things she did not want, why would you want his money?

Now I shall not disclose too much information on my blog about this case as I will probably see myself in court for defamation, anything to get a few more quid eh? Suffice to say the contestors woe is me act on the BBC, was nothing short of bile rising. I hope the other party appeal, they have my backing.

Legal documents? contracts?not worth the paper they are written on, as long as you have MONEY to contest them.